But I think I wont be able to go that far because I cannot manage my current problem. The only bright side is, today I got a mail from one of the application which I applied yesterday and they would like to hire me as a part time tutor. I litereally begged in front of them but they said nothing can be done and you have to settle the balance as your credit limit is reduced now. I dont have any option left, I went to bank and they said we cannot increase it again as your balance is negative. Now I owe the bank 7997 Euros + House rent. Kudos to my German reading skills, I somehow again managed to #$ up "again" and instead of increasing it by 1000 I actually reduced my total credit line to 1000. I though of increasing my credit limit by 1000 Euros and went to online banking, so that tomorrow rent will be paid and I can start fresh by taking one step at a time. Then (unfortunately) one thing came to my mind to increase my credit line so that I can pay the rent tomorrow and I dont have to borrow money from someone.īy the way i got credit line from the bank which is 9000 Euros, need not to say my balance was -8997 because I, as stupid #6 gambler gamble till the last penny. I was telling myself that everything will be ok. So I started watching motivational videos and started applying for mini jobs and decided to change my life for good. But somehow I controlled my mind and said it is not the way out and I have to come out of it hard way. My mind started finding reason to gamble and try to find amount to gamble so that somehow I can manage my rent. Because I was short of rent, I didnt knew what to do and over the weekend as I was alone this devil started playing with my mind. I am still alive and the situation is getting worse to worst. Posts: 341 Joined: Mon 6:48 pm Local time: Wed 8:03 pm Blog: View Blog (0) Hang in there and get help - online, 1800 gambler, GA, anything you can get to stay clean - then it becomes a choice. The DRIVE/ addiciton/pull is REAL and the pull will lessen. and after 90 days you will feel different. Please do EVERYTHING you can to get day upon day together clean. It will take some time to come out of the craving. This helped me understand that if I were to cross that line back - well I might as well just turn over my entire life. Because my primal brain wanted what it wanted - the gambling (dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, whatever cocktail concoction and the rush of all that won cash).ĪCCEPTANCE - Accept you are now a pickle. The absurdity of putting myself and my family in HARMS way - for what ? For the chase? For the thrill - of course it didn't make sense. This ILLOGICAL hold gambling had - the risk of everything to get my fix. (gambling addict) and once I am a pickl, I can not go back to being a cucumber. But at some point I crossed the line from cucumber to pickle. Remember the saying of the pickle and the cucumber. Stopping and staying stopped WILL reset your brain and heal it - but I can NOT go back, otherwise the way I see it my old brain rewires right back to addiction and it is ONNNNN.
There is no "safe" or "enjoyable" way to gamble again. Once we have crossed that invisible line to gambling addiction - there is NO GOING BACK. You are not weak - but please understand: you have a broken brain.
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